Why is it that good girls finish last? I mean really! We do everything right and then, smack, knocked down again. Sometimes it really feels like I am Sisyphus rolling a rock continually uphill. But I get ahead of myself.
Yesterday started like any other day. Job hunting in the morning and then a meeting with Restoration Railroad to help plan some events and help with fundraising ideas occupied most of my day. I had a nice and much needed video chat with Robert (he is such a great encourager) and then I headed off to dinner with my brother. We talked and had a great time and I headed home to bed…or so I thought.
I got a call from my would-be employer for the weekend cancelling on me. I was supposed to work the Peach Festival this weekend (and Lord knows I need the income), but the company lost two people and just doesn’t have the man power to do it. So, that income went right out the window. Not a problem, my God is a god who provides, so I know something will come, but this was the tail end of a day that had been intermixed with rejection letter after rejection letter…including one that told me I was unqualified for a teller position at a bank. Really? I know tellers; I am way OVER qualified if anything. Frustration does not begin to explain where my head was and may still be potentially.
Reviewing the past couple days in general, it really does feel like I am rolling a rock uphill just to have it come rolling back down on top of me. I apply to (on average) approximately fifty places a week (it takes longer for most because I have to send in numerous writing samples). I receive maybe a fourth of that in responses all of them are rejections. I can’t understand it. I am educated, I am a hard worker, I am determined, and I have loyalty that surpasses some Marines. I leave companies better than when I started. I am a quick learn. I am a great public speaker and even better writer. So, explain to me why I can’t seem to get hired anywhere? No one can say it is because I don’t qualify and that I am not trying.
Jehovah Jirah, my provider, my faith is in you. At this point, you are the only one who can provide for me. Thank you for the provision of a car to use, a house to live in, and food in my belly. For that I am grateful. I know you know my bank account (my worth is not in my bank account) and I know you know that I still have bills to pay (those pesky student loans are not going away anytime soon). You promise to provide for your children. If the birds of the air have a place to rest their heads and the lilies of the valley are clothed so beautifully and they are here today and gone tomorrow, how much more will you provide for me? As a faithful tither, I know you will. Please renew my strength and hope. Send me some relief. Father, you promise to give abundantly more than we can ask for, so I am expecting an incredible job where, for the first time in my life, I don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck; I am expecting a job where I have purpose and am excited to get up and go to work; I am expecting that as I wait for that job you will provide me with an income that pays the bills and allows me to save a little. Thank you for always coming through, even when it looks grim. Thank you that you hear my prayers and have compassion for me. Thank you for being a God who is involved and loving. I ask my fellow Believers to join with me in this prayer, for where two or more are gathered in His name, there He is also (it does not say it has to be in the same place at the same time). Amen.
As I am praying this, I am reminded of my boyfriend who has been nothing but encouraging and helpful in this process. How blessed I am by him every day.
As I was praying this prayer last night before bed, I was urged to get on-line and read a letter from a dear friend, one of great encouragement. She thought she was encouraging me in my relationship with Robert and our different ideas of God, but what she did in reality was encourage me to keep my faith in the stressful time of not knowing how God will provide…because He always provides. Thank you and I can’t wait to see you on Sunday!
So, why is it that good girls seem to finish last? Perhaps it is because it will show His immense love and grace more when He opens the floodgates of Heaven. Let it rain!!!!!