Friday, June 28, 2013

Should I Stay or Should I GO, Now?

You just never know what life is going to throw at you.  And I mean never.  Some of you know my history with men…I don’t have a great track record.  It is so bad in fact that some people have any broached the subject of having my family arrange a marriage for me.  Yep. That happened.  To put it lightly I have not been treated well by the male sex. 

Additionally, I have spent the majority of the past ten years taking care of other people.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to take care of people.  I just forget to take care of me sometimes because of it.  I have done everything from staying up late helping with essays to two am feedings.  I take care of people…it is what I do.  As you can see the combination of the these two facts makes me uneasy when a male is nice to me and wants to take care of me.  Which ultimately causes problems. 

In what has become our daily conversations, Ryan has offered to order me pizza and sleeping pills (I don’t sleep and haven’t in over five years) and get me a massage.  All of which I declined because I am a big girl and can take care of myself.  I have been doing that mostly well for the past ten years.  And he is patient with me, so he lets it happen. 

Why does all this matter?  Well, yesterday sitting at my computer applying to job after job after job, my computer revolted.  It actually refused to let me up load any more applications.  So, I took it as a sign to take a break.  But that left me in the middle of the country with very little to do.  So, I did what I always do and sought solace with my sister and her family down the road.  Nice break when you can get it…especially at nap time. 

But, I had spent the entire morning looing at a computer screen and didn’t want to look at a television screen so we decide to go into town.  We stopped to get some world famous (according to their sign) Brock’s ice cream…and it was just as good as I remembered.  But then headed off to the mall for some quite walking around.  We had to get back soon because I was going to make dinner for them and then we had rehearsal.  All the while I am texting back and forth with Ryan…who is really smooth with the words and knows exactly how to make me smile!  Thank the Lord for small favors. 

In the midst of cooking dinner (lemon chicken, steamed broccoli and salad…yes this single girl can cook!) I mentioned the approaching holiday.  It helped I just bought a really cute hat for said holiday.  He casually mentions a visit to him in training.  Now what you don’t know is my dream is to be in DC…the closer the better.  So, I am trying to get out there, if nothing else save enough money to get out there and get a Starbucks gig if I have to.  So, knowing that that is my plan at the moment, I say no.  But the more I talk to him, the more I want out of this city, the more I think it could be a good idea…hmmm…

Should I stay or should I go?  That is the question. 

To make matters more interesting, I ask Ryan if he reads my blog (not that many do).  He says he doesn’t get on Facebook much.  Where I remind him my blog isn’t on Facebook (though I do post a link).  His internet was down, but he promised he would.  Now I have been promised things before by guys and that usually means, “Let me tell her what she wants to hear and not follow through.”  Today, he made good on that promise without one single mention of it from me.  I think I could get use to a guy with integrity.  Maybe a trip isn’t such a bad idea?

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