Crisis

There is a story in the Bible of a young king who was called “one after God’s own heart” who fell hard.  One night, he was out on his balcony and looked over to see a young lady bathing.  He fell in such lust for her, he sent her beau out to the front lines of war to die so he could have her to himself.  But, the young knight lived and the act of adultery had already been done.  The king who had been known for his faith in God, his wise decisions and great military capability lost his reputation and the trust of his people over night.  The story of King David has been told multiple times throughout history in both story and song (ever hear the song Hallelujah?)

Normally, in my life this has always just been a story, but no longer. 

One of my mentors and friends has found himself in this very predicament and with his standing in the community could easily be equated to the King of the town.  The sad part is that after decades of service, his reputation has been tarnished because of one lustful act.  What is worse, is that his actions do not just affect his career and family, it affects the entire community.  He has served in places of leadership from church positions to community organizations to coaching.  All those lives he touched are affected by the decision.

As much as this is a tale of tragedy, and it is, it brings to question a very complicated faith point of view.  As a Believer, I am called to love the sinner – gay, prostitute, liar, murder, etc.  In this case, how do I put that into practice?  How do I help this man and his family who has so often been a help and pinnacle of faith to the community?  The simple answer is prayer.  Although I believe that to be true, I do not think that is the only thing to do. 

When you live in a small town like this and the actions of one have such overreaching arms, it is hard not to think of his wife going grocery shopping and getting the sympathetic looks to her face but the snickers and whispers behind her back, or his daughters feeling like they no longer have a home of comfort and trust to come back to, or the man himself knowing he has to make some pretty tough decisions to potentially step down from programs he has dedicated his life to.  How do you help the family through such sad situations and not condone the sin?  How do you stand by the people and help while not casting the first stone?  After all, we all mess up.  We all sin.  Our sins by definition affect others too. 

The answer is I have no answer.  I am saddened by the choice that was made.  I am saddened by the community response to it.  I am saddened by the pain and hurt that was caused.  But, I am hopeful.  I am hopeful that like the crowd that wanted to stone a woman who was caught in adultery, we will all remember that “he who has not sinned should cast the first stone.”  I am hopeful that rebuilding and unity will be accomplished in His timing.  God is a healer of more than the body and mind. 

If you read this friend, (yes friend because that is what you and your family has always been and your one stupid action – because that is what it was – does not change that) I want you to know that God loves you.  We love you.  This is not the end of everything, though it may look like it.  This is only the beginning.  King David is remembered as a great king and is the king in which Jesus our Lord descends.  God uses all things for good for those who are in Christ Jesus, which I believe you are.  God still has a purpose for you and your family.  I don’t know how to be a support to you or your family, and I don’t condone what you did, but I am here if you can think of a way I can help.  

Busy weeks with simple lessons

This past week I have been none stop busy.  I have spent some time with my niece and nephew who live out of town, went to the zoo, and experienced some good lesson learning. But, let’s get to the cute stuff. 

My nephew Collin is a little thing with some big attitude.  He is smart and witty.  And only three.  My sister and he nephew came to visit the other day and I went in to say “hello.”  As usual, Collin did not want to say hi, but his kid sister Kaylynn did.  So I give my smooches to her and then head over to Collin (the introvert I think).  He needs help seeing up, so I pick him up and start talking to him.  He sees what he wants and want down.  Our conversation goes something like this:

“I want down.”

“But, I would like a hug and a hello please.”

“No.”

“Well, I think your cute, so maybe I will eat you breakfast.”

“No.”

“Well, how about, I squish and love you?”

“No."

“Well, what can I do?”

“You could get me a treat.” He says with this mischievous smile.  Apparently, his parents are working with him on moderation.  Treat came from Grandpa so I did not have to worry about. Lesson 1: Kids are way smarter than you think.  

Grandpa had to help Collin figure out how to pick an orange for a tree...it was so funny.  

That afternoon, he comes in to watch Walle with me.  He crawls onto the couch, under the blanket I am using and we chit chat about the movie.  Then about half way through he looks at me all serious and says, “We have to watch movies in moderation.”  How do you not lightheartedly laugh at that cuteness?

I finally caved and got my hair cut.  I even got it layered, but we will get to that part in a second.  I go into this thinking all I am going to do is get a trim. I end up getting a deep conditioning and a cut (for only $16, not bad).  The girl who comes up to me has a VERY bad a-line cut (I find out latter one of the other stylists practiced on her).  I think to myself, anyone but her.  But, God heard me and laughed.  She did my deep conditioning and then asks if I want a magazine to read while I wait for the conditioner to do its magic.  Not being one who reads them, I said sure and surprise me with which one you pick.  She surprised me with this:

I laughed out loud and immediately texted Robert.  His response was, “Well, if you were looking for signs.”  Interesting choice…and I have now thought more about a wedding than I ever did with my previous fiancé.  The very next day Robert tells me his roommate called him out for telling one of his class buddies that he should not have gotten engaged…roommate’s word: “Please, you know that will be you in a few months.”  More signs…if you read them I guess.

Anyway, this girl turned out to be quite capable so when she asked if I wanted layers my usual knee-jerk reaction of “no” did not come out. Instead I said, “I really like my length and that I can do an up-do in less than seven minutes.  Please do layers so minuscule that I can still do that it looks good.”  Which, she did beautifully.  She was also really funny…but she was more interested in my not-happening wedding than I was (no, Robert has not proposed…sorry to all my readers who are eagerly awaiting such things). But, here is a bad picture of what it looks like:

Lesson 2: Don't judge a book by its cover.

We took my niece and nephew to the Sacramento Zoo (I have now been to all of California’s zoos in one year).  We got to pet some beautiful animals and almost fed giraffes...next time. 

 

 
 
 
 

My good friend Vivian came to visit.  I actually learned a lot about Yuba City high society – that would be anyone who shops on Plumas Street in Downtown.  We have a great winery, some beautiful décor shops, and a really great used book store (though that is more off a side street than on the main street in general).  She and I window shopped for nothing in particular and I learned I have a keen eye for décor.  At least according to Robert, so I will now be taking applications to design your home.  Some pieces I liked are:

The Winery in Yuba City...super stylish and GREAT wine.

Lesson 3: Small towns are bigger than they appear.

Lesson 4: We still discover skills later in life.  

Robert’s birthday was Sunday.  Everyone wish him a happy birthday.  I sent him a care package of some books, some chocolate covered pomegranates (yes they make that!), some energy drinks, some homemade peach jam, and the best ever Cookie Tree cookies!!!!  He thoroughly enjoyed them…can’t you tell?

All of this happened while juggling three jobs and trying to find a real one in Maryland.  Any ideas are welcome. 

What I want to be when I grown up...

Remember when you were a kid and you were asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  Some kids answered doctor, lawyer, rock star, police man.  I answered actor…until I was told I had ugly elbows (to this day I think they are the worst thing on my body).  Then I wanted to be a Navy Seal…until I was told I couldn't because I was girl.  I still think they have the coolest job ever.  Then I decide on President of the United States…until I discovered what that actually meant – stress, stress and more stress and looking like a haggard mess after just four years much less eight (I still want to be beautiful when I am old thank you very much…and domestic politics is not nearly as interesting as foreign). Last week my answer would be to be a diplomat, hopefully an ambassador, but my answer has changed.

I have three jobs now and by this Saturday will have worked fifteen days in a row.  Sunday after work I watched the movie Trainspotting (a recommendation from two of my brothers that I hated!!!)  So, to get my mind back I searched Netflix for something more cheerful and stumbled upon the movie This is Our Time.  It is a tale about five college graduates entering the real world.  Four of the five find themselves in the places they believe they should be in their careers right out of the gate while the fifth one (the one I relate to and will be referred to as Connector in this blog) has been denied graduate school and is stuck serving sandwiches at his dad’s shop. 

Naturally, Connector is frustrated feeling like he wasted his time and money on a degree that is useless to him.  He feels left behind as he watches his friends move forward in life and in love and he remains on the sidelines.  In his bearing of his heart to his mentor he discovers that perhaps, God places us on the sidelines for such a time as this.  What a way to hit home for me.  But my lessons in this movie did not end there.  Oh, no. 

Later, one of the characters dies and in the going through of remaining articles, the group discovers what she thought of them.  His description was connector.  He was the writer, the one who could see people for what they are, not what they present to the world.  He was the glue that held the group together and connected people to who they truly are.

Robert had just finished telling me that I do good in the lives of so many, even though I do not see it.  Hearing this, it was as if God was telling me that my unique skills and talents will accomplish tasks, but an occupation is not what He called me to.  You’ve hear that term before, “calling.” “God called me to Africa,” “God called me to be a singer.”  Well, my whole life I have been waiting for this calling.  I have watched as my siblings new from a young age their “calling” – lawyer, stay at home mom, singer.  I never had that feeling.  My feeling was to be a history maker…there is no college degree that can prepare you for that (Abraham Lincoln was self-educated…never got a formal education). But somehow, I missed this lesson.

What I learned was that my calling is not to an occupation.  That question: What do you want to be when you grow up? we interpret that wrong.  It is not about occupation and employment, it is about character.  I want to be good.  I want to be generous.  I want to be humble.  I want to kind.  I want to be compassionate.  If all of this is in place, God will use the unique skills, talents and abilities he has granted me in my employment whether that is as a banquet server, a nanny, or an ambassador or officer.

Simple blessings

“I am not skilled to understand what God has willed what God has planned.  I only know at His right hand stands one who is my Savior.” Aaron Shust

Blessings come in many sizes and packages.  This week I have been blessed abundantly.  No, I do not have my dream job, or even a job in the field…yet.  But I have found joy in the simple things.

Sunday I had such a good experience at church, I just had to share it with Robert.  We set up a much needed Skype session (thank God for the part of technology) and I explained how much I enjoy singing worship and hearing from God.  I got really excited when he said he would like to come to church with me. That kind of joy can’t be shared in its truest form by just discussing it, it has to be experienced.  I am so excited to share that part of my life with him.

I talked with Robert this week about a dream I have.  Some of you know I want to see the end of human trafficking in my life time (at least in the US).  But, I also have a passion to help where it is really bad – the Congo.  In the Congo 90% of girls are sexually mutilated (not just assaulted) by the time they are 3 years old!!  Evidence shows that one of the best ways to curb this is to educate.  I do not mean educate girls about how to protect themselves, but to educate period.  Math. Science.  English.  Reading.  Writing.  All of it. When this happens, the children of the abusers/traffickers go to school and become friends with those would-be victims.  This relationship makes it more difficult for the aggressors to kidnap, attack, etc.

So, I want to open a school in the Congo.  I want to also attach a clinic where students can be safe and get the help they need physically.  There are few doctors who can fix the kind of damage these girls receive when the have been mutilated with all sorts of tools and weapons.  Many die from lack of treatment.  It is a terrible place they are in and we can help.

As I was telling Robert this he surprised me.  Most men say, “Oh, that’s great but it is unrealistic.  You will never come close to that,” or, “Oh, how naïve you are!”  Robert’s response was, “I don’t know how to help you.  But, if all I can do is pass out clean water and send them to you for education and learning about God, then that’s what I’ll do.”  That is a sign of support from a good guy.  How blessed I am!  I cannot wait for this dream to become a reality, but knowing that I have his support, makes it all the more exciting.

Monday I was so blessed to not just talk to my nieces and nephews in Texas, but to Skype them.  Oh, how I miss them!  Keira showed me the new house and has grown into such a young lady in only a few months. She is beautiful and poise.  Gianna has gotten so big!  She bragged about sleeping on the top bunk, and she speech has just developed so well.  Khristian is so popular! He has already made friends with the entire neighborhood (and school hasn’t even started yet!) I can’t wait to see him play some b-ball…he has this incredible innate talent.  Kadin is walking!!!!!!  He is so big and cuddly.  I miss him.  Kole, my sweet little mischievous friend, took the phone and liked to play with me by walking into the dark closet and back out to save me from the darkness.  Then he monkeyed around and hung upside down with his curly-cue long hair and commented on his ability to change how it looked, and turned the phone upside down to show that I could be upside down too.  I miss dancing and singing with him.  He is getting so big.  Thank you for sharing them with me Tausha and Jason.

That morning I went to Roseville to play in this giant jungle gym called Wackey Tackey.  I have been to tons of these things with my nieces and nephews, but this is one of the best ones I have seen.  They had ball pits, jungle gyms, shooting balls, giant balls, and everything was tall enough for the adults to accompany the kids on.  The only down fall is there was poor security.  But if you are an active parent, this would be a great place to take the kids – especially in extreme heat and down pouring rain.

 

 

My kid sister’s baby girl surprises me every time I see her.  She is so cute and happy.  She had fun trying to keep up with her older cousins.  Collin was just so energetic!  I think he did the entire place in ten minutes and still had fun for another two hours replaying everything.  It was so fun to watch the eldest, Kolby, playing with the kids.  He did everything from throwing balls at the kids (when appropriate) to helping them climb, to chasing them around.  It was so fun to watch.

We then ate at this terrible hot dog place on the way home.  I would tell you the name but I can’t remember. In a tight pinch on time, it wasn’t bad.  The customer service was actually quite amazing!  But the hot dogs were less than appetizing.  Since nothing else was near, we settled there and had a good time of fellowship with the kids.

I spent the Tuesday morning at the park with my nieces and nephews – climbing up the jungle gym like a champ I might add! And then I was so blessed to see the movie Planes Tuesday.  We stopped by Jamba Juice because they are doing a promotion of Planes cups for kids smoothies and then took the kids.  This movie is significantly better than the Cars movie, in my opinion.  It teaches good lessons like lying catches up to you and hurts people, face your fears and always do good – even when life looks bad.  It was so fun to take the kids.  When I told Robert I saw Planes I also told him he would enjoy it.  His response, “Oh, I see them all the time.  Where did you go, on base or Sacramento?”  Oh what is lost in text!  I had to share that smile with the world.  Air Force on the brain, which is good, but I hope you get a chance to see it on your down time.  You will really like it, hon.

David, my kid brother, and I did a google hangout session yesterday – he is they only one I know who uses it.  For those of you who don’t know, it is a type of Skype.  We chatted about nothing and everything and enjoyed just joshing with each other.  I hope you are enjoying your day off today, though I still think you should come visit me.  Then I was blessed with my boss giving me today off.

Simple lesson: find joy in the small things and the big things seem less daunting.  I don’t have my dream job, but I am closer (pray this most recent application comes to something please).  I am heading in the right direction and know that God has a plan.  That’s all that matters.  Doing God’s will even when I don’t have the answers…which is usually. And still He provides and still He loves and still I am blessed.

Hard Lessons

So busy this week. When He provides, it pours.  Where to begin?  First, I apologize for the long time between posts, I am working with a new schedule and need to rework when I do things like Bible study and writing.  So, why the new schedule?

This past week I have been flooded with rejection letters from places I know I would excel at and have been continually frustrated with the process.  At one point on Tuesday I had received four rejection letters (I would receive another two the following days).  I was so frustrated and scared about finances.  Fear overwhelmed me.  I cried out to God, and not in the nice holy way I have been taught to. I wailed at Him. 

“Father, I have followed your will.  I have done what you asked.  I have gone where you called.  I followed the rules.  Why must you continually forget me?!  Why have you ignored my prayers?!  I am tired and scared and feel abandoned!  Give me a break!!  I need a break!!! I can’t handle always doing well and never going anywhere.  I know you have provided me a house to live in and a car to drive, but you continually close doors of employment!  I search and apply and have for four years!!  I am tired of the rejection for no good reason!!!  You promised abundantly more than I could ask for, yet do not provide the job to take care of my bills!!!!  I NEED you to come through for me!  My faith is weak and it is my fault.  This past week I have not been in communion with you, but I need you to show up!  Help!!”

I cried out and screamed and threw a tantrum.  It was awful.  Not the way to address the King and Creator of the Universe.  I went on this way for at least an hour.  It was not my best moment.  To top it off, my internet gave out and I had to restart applications that take forever to fill out.  So, I jumped into the Word thinking perhaps He would speak to me, but he didn’t.  About an hour later, my sister called with a job offer – part time but it will pay my bills.  Praise the Father in Heaven.  God is good even when I am not!

Unfortunately, this was not my only learning experience this week. 

I went my niece and nephew to the Sacramento Children’s Museum (did you know they have one?)  I thought it was going to be more like the Exploratorium but it turned out to be more like an indoor play place complete with painting on the walls and water to play in.  They were so cute!  By the end of the day they were both so tired it was like they were zombies.  Super cute.  

 

 

I was blessed to be able to go to the San Francisco Zoo on Thursday.  I saw some amazing animals, and now can say I have been to every zoo in California.  I got to see my niece and nephew enjoy animals, touch wondering goats and sheep.  I missed my nephew Kole a lot through the experience.  He really enjoys animals, especially dinosaurs and turtles.  I took pictures of them for him, even though he could not experience them with me.  I miss him something awful!

But, I got to see Rylyn and Liam enjoy the Macaws and other exotic birds that could fly freely in the Birds of Paradise display and touch the salt crystal in the whale display (don’t ask why there was salt crystal with a whale display on loan from the Mexican consulate…it has nothing to do with whales).  We saw polar bears and lions and cheetahs and had a great time. 

 

 

I then went to a Thirty One meeting (a purse and organization line that my sister sells).  I think I will start selling it…so keep your eyes open to start organizing your houses, classes, students, dancers, athletes, and beach days better. 

Friday I babysat for my sister and then went home to get into a good fight with Robert.  It happened like any other fight, it was a miscommunication.  We yelled.  It was frustrating and most people would have ended the relationship after a first fight.  But, we both learned a lot about each other, and Robert actually taught me something about me through it.  He taught me that I speak more negatively than positively about people in my life and I did not realize it.  I love the people in my life, friends and family, but sometimes to de-stress I vent to him what is going on in my life.  But how can I expect him to be excited to meet these important people, if I never share the good stuff with him?  Smart man, and completely right.  So, I then spent about an hour going through the important people in my life and telling him all the good things.  It really opens your eyes when the people you love tell you truths like that – I never would have realized it. 

And the best part about a fight is that you know if you can be with that person.  It is easy to be with someone when life is easy, when you don’t agree it is a lot more difficult.  If dating is for finding a mate, and I believe it is, then you have to realize you will fight and life gets harder not easier when you add a new person into the mix.  So, without a fight, you don’t really know if you can handle being with a person.  It sounds weird, but I was actually happy after the fight.  We were able to resolve it, we were able to learn from it, we were able to communicate better.  Sometimes the blessing is in the pain – in this case, without the fight I would not have learned about my communication style and he would not have learned about me.  These are important blessings.

I started my second job as a banquet server last night.  I enjoyed a friendly staff and good people. I served snow cones and cotton candy to kids at a carnival with a friend who did face painting.  God provided.  I got sun sick, really sick, complete with migraine and nausea.  It was awful, but my amazing boyfriend, checked in on me and encouraged me in my first day and in my future with employment better suited to my unique skill set.  I really am blessed to have him.  Robert, thank you for being a constant encouragement, a strong shoulder, and a funny lifter of my spirit.  God has blessed me with you. 

So, all in all, I have learned that sometimes God answers our prayers, there is just sometimes time before we see the answer.  I have learned to be less of a complainer and have more of a gratitude attitude.  I have learned to be more aware of the good than the bad.  I have learned to better communicate. I have learned that I really am truly blessed.  So, this week, I am going to try to cling to those lessons so I can be the support I have received this week to someone else who needs it more.  After all, I am not on this earth for me, but to serve Him.  And He promises to go before me and behind me; He promises to give abundantly more than I could ask for (I just have to wait for His timing); He is good, so when I follow Him I am in His hand, protected, blessed, and provided for.  I need to get out of His way and let Him move me; I need to get on board with what He is doing.  After all, His plans are better than mine. And I need to draw nearer to Him and He will draw near to me.